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FRAGMENTS OF TEMPTATION – Girl on Fire Series by Eve Rabi

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Book 11 in the Girl on Fire Series is now available on Amazon.

 

Links to download this book:

 

Follow this blog to avoid missing out on the next excerpt/instalment. You’ll want to keep up with Scarlett’s karma, believe me!

This is not a stand-alone book. It is one of the books in the Girl on Fire Series.
Read The Other Woman (an epic and jaw-dropping collision between a betrayed wife and a cunning seductress),  which is available on #KindleUnlimited, Please read before you read this book. (.99 cents for a limited time!)
Fans of Girl on the Train and Gone Girl, The Affair, will love Eve Rabi’s tale of love, lust and revenge.
#RomanticCrime #RomanticSuspense #StoriesofRevenge #VigilanteJustice #FreeonKindleUnlimited #LoveTriangles#TheOtherWoman

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EMBERS OF TEMPTATION by Eve Rabi (Book Release) Excerpt 2

Second Instalment Blog image 2 wordpress Wrath of Temptation 14 April 2018

SCARLETT
The question that plagues me – is Colin aware of Love the imposter’s real identity? (Well, other than where is my money, bitch?) Has Clover confessed to Colin that she has done a Lazarus and risen from the dead? If Clover has, then why hasn’t Colin approached me about it? Demanded his freedom? If Colin knows the truth, why duck and dive and keep the truth away from me? Surely he’d want to run off with his real wife and child and live as happily as Kanye and Kim? After all, this is the wife he’s spent days searching for, remember? Moping around like a pussy over her. Why is he still around? It’s not like he’s ill or something – earlier on he looked in peak shape when he was fucking my nemeses in the water. Tanned, fit and sexy – better looking that Shane the crooked cop for sure. Better looking than those Hemsworth brothers by far.
Considering the packed suitcases I found contained stuff for just Angel and Clover, considering that the documents I’ve discovered in Clover’s possession were mainly hers and Angel’s, I suspect that Colin may not know who Clover really is. In fact, as I stand in front of the window, taking swigs out of my quad-distilled, overpriced, imported vodka, I conclude that Colin has yet to discover the volunteer’s real identity.Being the gambler that I am, I’d say that Clover was probably getting around to the big reveal. Liz, with her man’s shoes, her plastic packet and her greedy self, popped up her balding head to dart a spoke Clover’s wheel of fortune, causing it to wobble. In time, I showed up and blew it to smithereens.
When I hear the chopper, I take a giant swig, then quickly put away the bottle of vodka. I rinse out my mouth with Listerine, pop a breath mint and prepare for battle. Will I be in combat with just the phoenix from the ashes, or will I be taking on both Colin and the phoenix?
Well, it’s best I prepare for my worst-case scenario, so I seek out my backup – a 9 mm. I stick it into a thigh holster. Bring it on.
From the window, I watch the helicopter hover, then slowly descend.
With folded arms, I watch Colin alight from the chopper, then help the slut out of it.
I tilt my head at the sight of Clover – it’s amazing how similar we now look. That bitch has been ’jacking my style quietly. Bit by bit, she’s been morphing into me, artfully blurring the lines in Colin’s muddled mind. Sneaky bitch. And that bikini she’s wearing – only a seductress would wear something so inappropriate. Sure, she’s wearing a beach robe, but you can still see most of her arse, half of her breasts through it. Maybe that’s why my man is holding onto her hand, despite the fact that he’s returning home to his FUCKING WIFE! With my eyes blazing and my mouth twisted in fury, I watch the cheats advance toward my house.
As if she remembers where she’s heading, that I might be watching, Clover snatches her hand out of Colin’s, her eyes darting nervously around. Hiding the affair from me, are you? Too late, I’m onto you and it’s game on!
With her head bowed, the slut walks fast, almost running ahead of Colin.
The walk of a person afraid. Terrified.
Good, be afraid. Be very afraid of your master and commander, the person you made the cardinal mistake of betraying.
As the conniving couple near the front door of my house, I prepare for battle – six deep breaths … exhale loudly. Three slow shoulder rolls, shake arms till loose, kick out legs to loosen up the muscles, exhale. I’m now ready for a punch-up of a lifetime. Watch how I handle myself. Watch carefully, for you are going to learn something here. Watch.

*****

THE OTHERS
As Clover approaches the house, her steps suddenly falter, her throat constricts, and her mouth becomes dry. This is not a house, this is a lion’s den. Above her the sky, now dark and ominous, concurs with a rumble of thunder. Colin catches up with her, and with his hand on her back, propels her forward. This time, she does not shrug him off. She needs his hand on her back. She needs him to have her back, because evil lurks ahead.
The front door is flung open with such force, both Colin and Clover cease walking.
Scarlett steps out of the house, stands on the patio and glares at the errant couple.Clover braces herself, while Colin stiffens.
“Sweetheart, what a lovely surprise!” Scarlett says, breaking into a smile and rushing up to throw her arms around Colin. “Sister Naomi and Brother Ezekiel told me how badly you wanted to surprise me with your recovery, and there I had to go and ruin it all by showing up unannounced. I wanted to spring a surprise visit on you guys and I … ruined it all.” She laughs and hugs Colin again. “My bad, my bad!”
Colin stands rigid in Scarlett’s embrace, arms dangling at his side, his eyes wide with surprise. Next to him, Clover sports a confused look.
As their shoulders slowly drop from around their ears, Clover and Colin look at each other behind Scarlett’s back. While he looks somewhat relieved, she doesn’t. Her eyes dart around for Angel. When she doesn’t see her, that feeling of dread that plagues her since Angel disappeared, once again pours into her stomach. Please let my baby be okay. Please! Please! Please!
“You look so well, I can’t believe it,” Scarlett gushes, touching Colin’s face, then stepping back and checking him out. “So tanned and fit …” She runs her hand slowly down his arms, then over his back and squeezes his butt. “Sexy, I have to say.” She laughs when he turns crimson.
Scarlett releases Colin and walks over to Clover. Clover holds her breath.
Taking Clover’s hand in both of hers, she says, “Dear Sister Love, you’ve done a … sterling job, bringing Pastor Colin to life. It’s nothing short of a miracle, a joy … a real joy.”
Clover flinches at the blast of peppermint in her face, at the choice of words (sterling, joy), and even more at her murderer’s touch.
“What you have done for Pastor Colin, Sister Love, is nothing short of a miracle. Comparable to… to … “she raises her arms to the sky, “resurrecting Lazarus from the dead. The Church of Light is ever so grateful to you. Ever since we’ve heard about Pastor Colin’s recuperation, the question on our minds are; How do we ever thank our wonderful Sister Love for doing such a … sterling job? She is such a … joy!
Clover glances at Colin. He turns out his palms, a see-I-told-you-there’s-nothing-to-worry-about look on his face.
Clover is in no way feeling reassured. Nothing the sadistic killer says or does will ever allay her anxiety, until she finds Angel and sees that she is safe. To Clover, all this is simply a strategy, a big game that the wicked woman is playing, and clearly, she is enjoying it.
“Come, let us go inside,” Scarlett says, holding firmly onto Clover’s hand.
Not knowing what to do, Clover follows Scarlett into the house, ahead of Colin.
Memories of the missing suitcases that were hidden in the back of the house, the sinister drawing on the whiteboard – the one with the child buried alive, flood her. Repulsed by evil personified, she involuntarily snatches back her hand.
Scarlett stares at her. Clover holds her gaze and the tension between the two Mrs. Callans is palpable.
Scarlett suddenly throws her arms around Clover again. Clover tenses – the last person you want to hug you is your murderer. Like scenes from the mafia movies – hug, kiss, kill.
“So happy to have you back,” Scarlett says in a spritely, voice. She follows this with a whispered warning, “Behave, if you want her back, understand? If you don’t want her to disappear. I’m not joking.”
Clover’s head lolls as her worst fears are confirmed. Awash with dread, she raises her head to look at the cold-blooded killer. Up close, her eyes glisten like diamonds, her lips are tightly fused and her nostrils flare. Clover literally feels the heat of her silent rage. Having no choice, Clover nods.
Pleased with the naked fear in Clover’s eyes, Scarlett smiles sweetly and continues her charade.

*****

SCARLETT
How did I do? Good? Of course!
Look, it isn’t easy for me to smile and feign pleasantness when I’m facing betrayal by multiple members of my household – my husband, the man I’ve given my all to – he could hoodwink me to such a degree? My staff, the trusted and loyal servants – they could have their loyalty so easily swayed by a Trojan horse-styled intruder? Then the intruder herself – a crafty, scheming manipulator who artfully stole my husband, my brat, my staff’s loyalty, my money – all my money stolen by the psychopath who is clearly after my life?
My perfect world, one that I’ve created with blood, sweat and vodka, has been rocked by a thug who needs to be strangled with a garrotte until she lies in a heap on the floor. Until a medical doctor declares her deceased. Then for added measure, I should burn her corpse. Douse it with flammable vodka, then throw a lit match on it. Watch the cremation with a bottle of overpriced champagne at hand (or two), while I wait for the fire to burn out, until all that remain are ash, charred bones and the stench of no-return. Have an AK-47 at hand in case a phoenix rises from the ashes – another added measure. Blast it to smithereens to ensure no comebacks.
Yes, that’s what needs to be done. However, I’m not doing that just yet. Why? Well, it’s all about strategy, because … the money; I have to think about the money. If I ranted and raved at the deceitful duo, hurled accusations like some cuckold wife, made threats, knifed them even, I would risk losing my money. Where would that leave me if I couldn’t get my money back? The money is of paramount importance and should be considered above all else. Therefore, a clear head is necessary. Along with an artful strategy, of course.
The situation calls for a game. Play the bitch at her own game and win. That is the most important things about games; you have to win. You must. Or, what’s the purpose of playing in the first place? Luckily, I am brilliant at games, and … I like to win. In fact, finishing second is not an option, never was. Winning is. Winning in my books is everything.
So far, I am winning. Think about it – I have the betrayers in my clutches, Colin is charmed and Angel is back in my care and out of sight, and Clover is cowering in terror like the coward she is. Now, all I have to do is implement the next step.
Impressed? Well, you ought to be. Hold your applause, though. For now.

*****

THE OTHERS
Colin looks around. “Where’s baby?”
Scarlett lets go of Clover and turns to look at Colin. “Oh, she’s gone into town with Sister Naomi, Brother Ezekiel and a few other congregation members, darling. She was so excited to see all the kids, she badgered me to allow her to go with.”
Colin frowns. “Badgered you?”
Scarlett nods. “I think she misses having kids around, Colin. Besides, I thought it would be nice to give Sister Love some time to herself.” Scarlett smiles sweetly at Clover again. “God knows she’s earned it.”
Colin concurs with a nod.
“I’m thinking, Sister Love could take the car, go visit her husband and darling children for a few days if she likes, catch up with them …” As she talks, Scarlett walks back to Colin and takes his arm. “You come with me, darling, we’ve got some … some … catching up to do.” She winks at him. Then, leaving Clover staring after them, she leads him into their bedroom and shuts the door.
Clover remains where she is. She doesn’t care about Scarlett’s lascivious wink, she doesn’t care about them being alone in the bedroom – all she cares about is her baby. Where in town is Angel?
The moment, they are out of sight, Clover hurries over to the key rack and picks out the keys to an SUV. It’s a small town, she knows that she will eventually find Angel. Then she will run. Just get into the SUV with Angel and drive. She will only stop until she reaches her safe haven in Sydney.
Suddenly, she feels a sharp sting on the back of her neck. She swings around to look into Shane’s face. In his hand is a needle and syringe.
“Going somewhere, sexy?”
Clover rubs her neck. “Did you just –?”
“I sure did, sexy.”
Shane suddenly starts to tilt and everything goes black.
End of second excerpt. More coming soon!

Release date: Coming soon!

Follow this blog to avoid missing out on the next excerpt. You want to keep up with Scarlett’s underhandedness, believe me!

This is one of the books in the Girl on Fire Series. Read The Other Woman (an epic and jaw-dropping collision between a betrayed wife and a cunning seductress),  which is available on #KindleUnlimited, Please read before you read this book. 
Fans of Girl on the Train and Gone Girl, The Affair,  will love Eve Rabi’s tale of love, lust and revenge.
#RomanticCrime #RomanticSuspense #StoriesofRevenge #VigilanteJustice #FreeonKindleUnlimited #LoveTriangles#TheOtherWoman

Wordpress promo banner the other woman 18 dec 17 Eve Rabi(To To download a copy of The Other Woman, click on image above)

The Wrath of Temptation – Hell Hath No Fury …(Book Teaser)

Blog image 1 wordpress Wrath of Temptation 09 Jan 18(For more information about this book, click on image)

Alkwari rides her bicycle along a dirt road leading to her home in the bush. Wari, as they called her for short, wears a long kaftan, tattered leather sandals, beads around her neck, and a number of bracelets on her wrists. Her face is the colour of honey from a mixture of white Australian and Aborigine blood, and is dotted with white.
Sweat pours down her face as she pedals the long trip home from the town centre, something she undertakes every couple of months. Normally it’s not that hard a trip, but today she, is weighed down by the satchel of newspapers she carries on her back.

Wari was born in the bush, miles from nowhere, and has spent all her life in the bush. The hermit has no idea how old she is, and it doesn’t matter to her. The remoteness means that she has to fend for herself and live off the land. That’s not a problem for Wari, as she lives off dead animals mainly. She is adept at trapping animals, killing them, skinning them and using their carcasses for food. The rest of the animal is used to make medicine. Other hermits living in the bush sometimes travel to her for medicine, bringing food to barter with.

Wari arrives at her home, a shack made of corrugated iron and wood, and locks her bicycle with a chain and padlock to a tree. Her bicycle is her only luxury, her only means of getting into town, and she cannot afford to have it stolen by scroungers.

Clutching the satchel of newspapers, she draws aside a curtain made of discarded plastic sheeting and enters the dimly lit room. The room is bare, except for a mattress and the bottles of medicine made by Wari, which line the edge of the room.

A man dressed in just a pair of boxers lies on the floor. Extremely thin with a heavily scarred face and body, he jumps to sit up at the sight of her. “Did you get them? Did you?”

Wari nods, then throws her satchel at him.

He catches it, hurriedly opens it and scans the newspapers, his eyes bright and shiny with excitement.

The man is Lieb Sault. Once a patient of hers, he now is someone who shares her bed. It was more than two years ago when she found him lying on her doorstep. At first, she thought he was an animal that had been mauled by another. He was covered in blood and dirt, and barely alive. When she realized it was a wounded man, she took him in and began healing him with her homemade medicine. He had lost a lot of blood from the chest wound. She had plugged his wound with special herbs and given him medicine for the pain.

For the first three months, she’d enter the room and look to see if his chest was still rising and falling. Each time she saw that it was, she was amazed. It was a miracle the man with the deathly pale skin was still alive.
Over time, he had begun to move. When he opened his eyes, she saw that they were grey-blue. Once he sat up in bed, she knew he was going to be okay. Shortly after that, Wari began to share Lieb’s bed.

Being in the middle of nowhere suited Lieb. He needed time to heal and recover. He also needed the dust he had raised by helping Scarlett escape, to settle, before he could even think of returning to his former life.

He had no idea when, how or where, but he knew that one day, Scarlett would return to prison and he lived for that day. That would be the day he would be at the prison waiting for her, to look the woman who betrayed him in the eye. The woman who made him give up everything for her – his kids, his wife, his home, his job, his life – everything, only to deceive him in the end, then murder him. He would return, and make her days a living hell.

Every time he scanned the newspapers, he looked for news of his prisoner. (Yes, she was his prisoner and she would always be his personal prisoner.) He lived for that day when he reads that she has been, arrested and thrown back in prison.

That’s why it was important for him to read the papers. Whenever Wari went into town, Lieb would ask her to bring him back newspapers. Why he was so interested in the news, Wari had no idea. She had always got him paper though. Even though the newspapers were old, they made Lieb happy. Wari wanted to make him happy so that he’d stay. She had no idea who he was, what his name was or what had injured him, and she didn’t care. She just wanted him to stay with her.

Lieb holds his breath as he reads. Has she been caught as yet?

According to the newspapers: no.

Lieb nods to himself. Still out there, living your life, are you? Well, enjoy it while you can.

Disappointed, he walks out of room and into the harsh sunlight of a sun-baked land. After blinking to adjust to the bright light, he walks over to a pile of rocks, picks the two large ones from the pile and lifts them above his head several times. As he exercises, he thinks of his obsession. Revenge will be sweet. He will see to it. She thought he had died, but she was wrong. Lieb Sault will be back. Assault will be back.

He drops the two rocks, picks up two heavier ones, and lifts them above his head. Over and over again he lifts them until his muscles burn.
When he is done, he pulls open his pants and looks at his penis. It is hard as the rock he has lifted. Just thinking about Scarlett, could make him rock-hard. That made him happy, it made him feel virile and young again. He hated how old he felt when he couldn’t get an erection. Now, thanks to Wari’s medicine, his penis now works. Every day he drinks her vile potions for potency. What is in them, he has no idea and he doesn’t really care – as long as they work, he’ll drink them by the gallon.

He removes all his clothes and allows the sun to scorch him. He would need to lose the paleness and acquire a tan. She liked her man tanned. Despite the burning sensation, he stays in the sun, forcing his face up to the skies. She would be impressed at how bronze he was, find it sexy and become turned on. The thought of her being turned on with his improved physique is exhilarating.

He looks out into the expanse and takes a deep breath. Some men kidnap women and hold them prisoners in their basements for years, to do whatever they want to do to them. He would do the same. Except that he would do it legally – he’d have his personal prisoner shackled and chained in a hole in prison, to torment and abuse at the drop of a hat, and he would take great pleasure in doing that to her. The best part of it all? It was legal, and he would never have to worry about going to prison for kidnapping and torture.

He couldn’t wait for that day – the day when he goes back to his job as prison chief warden and once again, become revered and pandered to.

In preparation for the day he leaves this God-forsaken place, he’s evaporated some of the jars of medicine in the sun, creating a fine powder, which he has packed into plastic bags. It would be easier to carry bags of powder when he leaves, rather than jars of liquid. He has to take the powder with him, for the type of punishment he has planned for Scarlett, his penis would need to work on demand.

He looks down and nods at this erect penis. “Soon. It will be worth the wait. She will be worth the wait. Trust me.”

End of Excerpt. 

Release date: 16 January 2018

………………..

The Other Woman (an epic and jaw-dropping collision between a betrayed wife and a cunning seductress), which has an overall 5-star rating on Amazon U.K. and Amazon Aus. Fans of Girl on the Train and Gone Girl will love Eve Rabi’s tales of love, lust and revenge. To read The Other Woman, click on the image below.

#RomanticCrimeBooks #RomanticSuspenseBooks #StoriesofRevenge #VigilanteJustice #RomanceNovels

Wordpress promo banner the other woman 18 dec 17 Eve Rabi

 

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Now available on Amazon!

https://www.amazon.in/dp/B01NCK6186

 

 

 

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Reviews:

“OMG!!! Yet another amazing book by Eve. From the moment you start reading, you are gripped. I have recommended Eve to friends and family.” Smashwords reviewer

“I just finished the book. All I have to say is, HOLY SHIT, EVE! You wrote a killer story that grabs the reader’s attention and keeps it.” Smashwords Reviewer

“OMG Eve! You are absolutely BRILLIANT! I never saw that ending coming!” Smashwords Reviewer

“Forget those well manicured nails. Eve Rabi’s latest book Lead me into Temptation will have you nibbling on your delicate French tips from start to finish. Brilliant!” Smashwords Reviewer

“Wow! I loved this story! My suggestion, do what I did: find a quiet hiding spot, turn off your phone and escape into Scarlet’s world for a few hours. I promise you will not be disappointed.” Smashwords Reviewer

“Be warned: if you start reading this book you won’t want to put it down
until it’s over…then you feel a bit disappointed because you want more.” Smashwords Reviewer

“Prepare to sacrifice several hours of sleep and walk around with panda eyes because that’s what happened to me. But hey the adrenaline rush from this fast paced and exciting story was so worth it.” Smashwords Reviewer

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This is not a stand-alone book, so make sure you have read The Other Woman first – A betrayed wife collides with the other woman (Romantic crime and suspense).

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The Other Woman

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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“Wow! People are going to have to clear the schedules for this one, Eve. It’s a winner for sure! I’ve never read anything like this before. Where the hell do you get your ideas from? Never mind, just keep ’em coming.” Smashwords reviewer

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Eve Rabi’s 27th romantic crime & Suspense

thriller coming late November 2016!

ONE MILLION DOLLARS – YES PLEASE!

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              AUTHOR EVE RABI 

Thank you to http://www.areadersreviewblog.com, the lovely Caroline and Tina, who are always so polite, friendly and gracious for nominating me for the Liebster award where I collect $1million just for being nominated. (Sincere apologies for the delay, but I was busy celebrating my birthday.)

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Here are the answers to the questions and some info about me.

Q: What inspired you to begin a blog?
A: I became an author and it was a way to reach my millions of fans. Okay fine, my five fans.

 Q: What is your favorite book genre?

A: Kick-ass heroines, who also cry easily, like chocolate more than celery sticks, aren’t afraid to use the ‘F’ word and hate housework. Is that a genre? Well, it should be! 

Q: What is your favorite place in the world?

A: My hometown, Cape Town, South Africa, where you find the bluest of skies, beaches with crystal waters and the whitest of sands. Oh, and amazing wineries. (Getting tearful thinking about it. Cape Town, that is, not the wineries. Well the wineries too.)

Q: If you could be an animal, which animal would you be?

A: A cat of course. They do absolutely nothing but subtly remind us that Egyptians used to once worship them. Sometimes not so subtly.

 Q: What animal scares you the most?

Q: Spiders. Whachu mean it isn’t an animal? It should be. Walking into its web can bring out some amazing karate chops from you even though you’ve never done martial arts before.   

 Q: Which musical instrument would you like to play?

Q: Drums. But I would be mindful of the noise, so I would only play it when everyone is asleep.  

Q: Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings?

A: Oh, that’s easy – Lord of the Rings. So loved Jason Momoa in it. Whachu mean he didn’t act in it? He should have. He’s groovy baby.

 Q: Who is your favorite author?

A: Eve Rabi. What an author.  I just love her work. She is amazing. She makes me laugh so hard, tears run down my legs.  Whachu mean I can’t nominate myself?

 Q: What is your favorite meal?

A: a chocolate hamburger. Whaaaaat? Like it’s a bad thing.

 Q: If you could be in a TV / film comedy character of your choice, who would you be?

A: Someone from the Simpsons. They are all funny and unrestrained. Love that about the show.

 Q: If you were to write a book, what genre would it be?

A: Kick-ass heroines, who also cry easily, like chocolate more than celery sticks, aren’t afraid to use the ‘F’ word and absolutely hate housework. Is that a genre? Well, it should be! (But I have already published 17 books.)

 ELEVEN FACTS ABOUT ME

  1. I’m into music in a huge way. Got over twelve thousand songs on my iPhone all downloaded illegally, so please …shhhh! My taste in music varies – it’s the song, not the genre.
  2. I sucked at math and still do. Can’t count for shit, so luckily I have fingers and toes that come to the rescue.
  3.  I like my men tall, dark, sweet and strong, like my coffee. Doesn’t matter if they’re thick as wood, they must just shaddup and flex those muscles on demand. Disrespectful? Me? Lemme think…yeah, you’re right 🙂
  4. Love Chelsea Handler, Sandra Bullock, Betty white, Joan Rivers and Sasha Baron Cohen.
  5. Used to be a registered nurse many moons ago, so I am nurturing by nature, a softie. I used to cry when patients died. It was embarrassing to be in full uniform and have tears running down your cheeks. All the medical staff used to laugh at me behind my back. And sometimes in front of my back too. They only stopped when I threatened to roofie them and take photos.
  6. Also owned and ran a glossy magazine on Sydney’s North Shore where I wrote articles for the mag among other things. I got lots of fan mail so I decided to write a book. I ignored the death threats.
  7. I have two lovely daughters, Raine and Skye, a dog who failed obedience school (A Pomeranian called little Bow Wow) and a cat who eats all the time.
  8. I am currently dating all the men in my books cos I like them all. Whaaat?! Like it’s a bad thing.
  9. I live in Sydney Australia and am a full-time writer. I’m about to publish my 18th book. When I was growing up, I was an avaricious reader, Sydney Sheldon John Grisham, Harold Robbins. Valley of the Dolls was my best book ever. If I had to choose between a hot guy and a hot book, the book would win. Monday to Thursday, that is.
  10. Obsessed With Me, is my biggest seller at the moment. It has outsold Gringa in the first 5 days of being published and danced in Amazon’s top 100! I am absolutely thrilled with the results and I now sit by my phone waiting for Spielberg to call. Or Tarrantino, I’m not fussy. I wanted to thank the book Gods for smiling down on me and like, wanted to sacrifice my firstborn, but she flat refused to get me a kitchen knife and lie on the table. So …
  11. Never say “Can’t be done” to me. I will prove you wrong. (Except when my nail polish is wet, then you got me.)
  12. I’m an ex make-up artist and a fashion whore. (Yes, you can call me whore when you use the word fashion next to it. Okay, fine, you can call me whore anytime. Happy now?

And that, folks is my ABC. Well some of it anyway.

Okay, so can I have my $1 million dollar in $5 notes please?

Regret, Sorry, I dont accept IOUs

I’m every woman, it’s all in me ….

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It’s was my daughter’s birthday yesterday, so I decided to bake her a cake. Maybe I was sleep-deprived or something, I decided to bake it …from scratch. Yeah, you heard right – all my bloody deadlines but still…

Excited at the prospect of being able to boast that I could make something from scratch (other than write novels) I switched on my Nigella and hit YouTube with essentials like pen,

paper and a glass of chardonnay. (For courage – hadn’t made anything from scratch for donkey’s ears years.)

As I watched my computer screen, I was shocked to discover that the beautiful and mesmerizing Nigella takes an alarming number of short cuts. She’s now into ‘assembling’ food. (Not alarming to me – I’m all for short cuts. Except when it comes to birth control. Know what I mean?)

So, who am I to argue – I stopped my ‘scratching’, had another glass of courage and zoomed into plan E.

The result is the photo you see.

I’m so proud, I’ve showed it to everyone I know. And everyone I don’t know. It’s like a I’m Capable badge. Haven’t felt this proud since I learned how to  pirate music on the internet operate my iron.

But hey, shortcut or no shortcut, I’m still every woman inside of meeeee,

anything you want done babyyyy, I’ll do it naturalllllllly,

cos I’ve got it, I’ve got it, I’ve got it, got it, baby, ’cause…

(Naturally? No fucking way.)

PS: My daughter thinks I’m amazing to have made the M&Ms, the Kit Kat, the gold coins and the candles. I left it at that so as to avoid confusing her. Let her therapist deal with it when she grows up:)

A LAPTOP FOR $20.00 AND A SHORT INTENTION SPAN. (Will only make sense if you’ve read Gringa or if you’ve been partying for more than a week with Robert Downey Junior)

SHE’S GOT A SHORT INTENTION SPAN.

Image

 Interview With Rosa (58) and Maria (61) on Life In the US:

 Maria: “Life is really good, I cannot complain. I now get a cell phone so I can talk with my granddaughter, Isabella. You know her? She very pretty and she very smart too. She marry Troy, the boy with the baseball cap hat?  He don’t drugs no more. He good boy now.”

Interviewer: “Yes, I do know Isabella. In fact, I’ve met her. She is indeed pretty and smart.”

Rosa: “I have a no family for myself, Senor, but I have a cousin Sylvia. She have a lot of girls working for her. And she geta lotta visitors for the girls. She very rich – she got iPhone, she got  gym membership and she got …?”

Maria: “This is America – everybody here got iPhone and gym membership.  That does not mean your cousin Sylvia is rich. Now if you got laptop, then you are rich.”

Rosa: “What?! Laptop is cheap, Maria. I hear you go Vegas you get laptop for $20.00.”

Maria: (Swivels to look at Rosa.) “That true? Then you and I must go Vegas and we get our own laptops for $20.00.”

Rosa: “Is a very good idea. Now Gringa, she got a laptop. But when she work on Spacebook, Diablo, eh, Diago, he watch over her shoulder.

Maria: ”Yah, yah, he dodat. Then Gringa say, “Diago, what the hell? Why are you looking over my shoulder? Then he say, ‘Who is all these people photos you look at?’ Then she say, ‘They added me as a friend, Diago.’ Then Diago say, ‘They know you are married?’ Gringa say, ‘Of course, they do, Diago. Do you want to look at my status?’ And Diago, he shake his head and say, ‘I see your status tonight in the bedroom. Now, I want to talk about this. Where is wedding picture of you and me? Why is it not there?’ Gringa roll her eyes and say, ‘Diago, please!’ And he say, ‘You put picture of me and you or I break the laptop.’ Gringa say, ‘What the fuck, Diago? You threatening me?’ He thinka bout it and say, ‘Si.’ Gringa roll her eyes and go to find wedding picture.”

Rosa: “Diago, he very scared of losing Gringa, I think. What is the English word …?”

Maria: “Insincere. He very insincere.”

Rosa: “That’s it. Diago very insincere. Maria your English is very good now, eh?”

Maria: (Beams) “What can I say? I am very smart. Just like Isabella, even though I don’t go to college. Even though I don’t finish school.  

Rosa: “Yah.”

Maria: “Very soon I want to help Eve Rabi with her editing. She say she hate editing, so I say, ‘Let me helpa you, Eve.’ She say, ‘Oh, Maria, if you could do that, I would be so grateful. If I had a fairy godmother, Maria, I would get her to do all my editing and my housework, of course. I can get myself to the ball.’ She laugh when she say it. But I don’t laugh. She is lazy, that Eve Rabi.”

Rosa: “Yah, I hear she like to write better than to clean her house.”

Maria: “Disgraceful.”

Rosa: “Very disgraceful. She let her cat sleep on her laptop? That is terrible. Hey, Maria, I must learn English like you.”

Maria: “Yes, but you got a short intention span. That is your problem.”

Rosa: “Maybe you right. My intention span is very short.” (Sighs)

To read more about the whackos from Gringa – In the Clutches of a Ruthless Drug Lord, please 

click on link below:

http://wp.me/P2DsmV-2f

To read the entire Gringa series, please click on link below:

 

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