Message from Biff (Carlene’s boyfriend)
A Love Triangle (Contemporary Romantic Crime thriller)
Hello, Biff here. I just need to clarify some issues that were mentioned earlier on. First of all, my convictions – all
readyclause ridiclaus ridiculous. I mean, that time I grabbed Mini Mouse’s tits, I was drunk and I fell, that’s all. She was in front of me and I grabbed the nearest thing I could. Things. The cops made a big thing out of it for nothing, I tell you.
Okay so I tried to kiss her. But that was after I
accidently accidentaly accadent fell.
The time I stole the sex toys – well, I mean, the shop door was not
propaly properley p ropely locked and it was Carlene’s birthday coming up and I wanted to do something nice for her, that’s all. It was all just a misundarstanding misunderstandink mistake.
I’m writing here cos I dont have security clearance to enter the bilding.
Message from Carlene:
I never made the first move with the Chinese boy. (Can’t remember his name.) The Chinese boy came onto me. I was just waxing his hair, you know, the time they all got into the limo and went to Danes? That time. The Chinese boy stood really close to me, so I may have accidently touched his hip with mine. But it was he who enticed me into the bathroom. I was a victim there. I just went with the flow. But, don’t tell Burn, but he was hoooooot!
Message from Matt, Lanie’s ex-husband
Well, hello there. How great it was for them to ask me to comment. Wonderful, fantastic. They are such nice people, really. Maybe, I should buy them flowers? Maybe I should buy you flowers? 🙂
You have a nice smile. What you doing later? Wanna come over to my place and check out my, eh, fish tank? I don’t have one as yet, but I’m getting there.
Huh? How bout it? xoxoxo
Interview with Dawn McGraw (Burn’s mother-in-law and mother of the President of the United States)
Dawn: Everything is just great these days. Rule is just so lovely, her eyes are so blue and her hair –golden. She’s like an angel. Brody is doing well. As handsome as ever and very eligible. Lots of women are after him so he can take his pick if he …
Q:How is your relationship with Burn these days?
Dawn: Wonderful. She and I get on just fine and Rule, she’s such a pleasure to have around. Rule …
Q: Have you and Dawn managed to put aside your differences then?
Dawn: Differences? Whatever do you mean? We get on just fine. We always did. Robert always says that the family are the most important thing in the world and I totally agree. And Rule, she …
Q:What about Bear and Usher?
Dawn: Who? Oh, you mean the other two children. Yes, yes, they are fine. All of us get on soooo well.
Q:Robert? We heard a rumor that he’s seeing someone else?
Dawn: What? Just rumors, my dear. Our marriage is as strong as ever. (Big smile)
Q: What about Nick? We heard that he is seeing a girl of Mexican descent?
Dawn: Absolutely not. He’s not into ….those kind of people, my dear.
(To be continued)
Message from Trixibelle and Ellie-May Tyson, Mrs Tyson’s daughters:
Ellie-May: There is a rumor going around that our mother did make a sex tape with the black girl. That is not true.
Trixibelle: Not True at all.
Ellie-May: We did ask our mama bout it several times and she did say that the black girl was lying.
Trixibelle: Big liar.
Ellie-May: Our mama is having sleepless nights in case that black girl releases the tape. Like what happened to Pammy and Tommy.
Trixibelle: That Pammy and Tommy ….
Ellie-May: But we will ask for a lot of money if that happens. For sure. I mean, my mama is a damn good actress eeen though she’s fat.
Trixibelle: Oh, a lot of money.
Ellie-May: Some people say bad things bout us. They say we are like parrots. We are not.
Trixibelle: We are not. Absolutely not like parrots.
Message from Matt ( Lanie’s cheating-ass ex-husband) from Burn’s World:
Matt: “This is so cool – you guys asking me to come over and give my side of the story. On camera too. You guys are amazing. Fantastic. It’s so …so Cheaters, you know, where a party is invited to give his/her side of the story about the cheating. Eh, this is going to be on TV, right?
Matt: “Oh.” (Looks disappointed) Anyway, Lanie is a cheating ass skank for fucking that black dude and getting knocked up with his child. Do you know how humiliating it was for me? My whole family was there I had no face, I tell you. None. (Sniffs) I loved Lanie. She was my life. I gave her my all – my everything. And she cheated on me. I…I’m a broken man these days. I still love her and I want her back. And that Foster …(Gets up from his chair and slams his fist into his palm) I’m gonna fuck that guy up for taking my woman. He’s a total jerk. And that black guy – him too. Gonna beat the shit out of him one of these days. (Leans back, smiles at the interviewer) So, you come here often? Wanna come check out my fish tank? I don’t have a tank yet but …
Message from Daisy, Burn’s cousin:
That Eve Rabi is a liar, I tell you. I never did any of the things she says I did in Burn’s World. I’m gonna see my lawyer soon and I’m gonna sue her. She’s gonna be sorry she wrote that I cheated on my sister with her husband. She needs to get her facts straight before she writes stuff like that. She’s worse than the paparazzi.
She’s got nothing better to do than lie about me. (Leans forward and drops her voice) She’s jealous. Anyway, I can get Foster back if I wanted to. He still loves me. It’s all a matter of time. Just wait and see. For now, I’m just gonna take care of baby Sydney, stay at home and watch re-runs of Gossip Girl. xoxo
SADDAM, BIN LADEN AND HITLER
Interview with Lanie, Burn’s ‘gimmee’ cousin (From Burn’s World)
(Warning: will only make sense if you have read the Burn’s World series. Or if you’ve had more than nine strawberry daiquiris)
Lanie: “Before you ask any questions, I have to ask – what the hell is wrong with a bandage skirt? A bandage dress? Huh? Why is Eve Rabi making such a big thing about it? So what if I wanted avocado-green and not plain-green for my wedding? And what is wrong with pewter, Eve Rabi? And how dare you refer to me as a ‘gimmee’ child?
You have some nerve. I guess you’re from South Africa – we all know what they say about South Africans, don’t we?”
Interviewer: “Eve Rabi lives in Sydney. What do they say about South …?”
Lanie: “Okay so you live in Sydney – don’t you have bandage skirts there, Eve Rabi? Huh? Well, I mean, I have to excuse you cos we all know what they about Australia now, don’t we? Huh, huh?”
Interviewer: “Eh, moving on …can we address the allegations that you were unfaithful to Matt during your marriage.”
Lanie. “What? That never happened.”
Interviewer: “Can you explain how you gave birth to a black baby? When both you and your husband are white?”
Lanie: (Throws her hands out.) “Maybe someone took advantage of me while I was drunk. Been known to happen. Maybe I was roofied. Something like that.”
Interviewer: “O…kay. What is your response to comments that you are as devious as Matt, your cheating ex-husband?”
Lanie: “Oh, yeah, Eve Rabi?” (Stands up.) “Come say that to my face! You’re just jealous cos I got a man and you’re still single. At this rate you’re gonna stay on that shelf, girlfriend.”
Interviewer: “Calm down, Lanie. How do you feel about your cousin being married to the President of the United States?”
Lanie: (Sits down.) “It won’t last. President McGraw is just sampling. Today black, tomorrow Chinese, the following day Indian maybe…?” (Shrugs.) “Anyone can get into the White House. Tomorrow I can become President of the United States if I put my mind to it. It’s no big deal. And I will not keep the house that color. White?! In this day and age?”
Interviewer: “Do you have a law degree or …?”
Lanie: “Why do I need a law degree if I want to become president? It’s not like I’m going to defend a guilty person in court or anything? Arnold doesn’t have a law degree and he’s doing fine. If I need an attorney then, if I need legal advice, I will simply hire an attor…”
Interviewer: “What is your profession?”
“I’m a cashier at BargainMart. Senior cashier.”
Interviewer: “I see. Have you been to the White House as yet?”
Lanie: “Not yet.”
Interviewer: “You’ve never been invited as yet?”
Lanie: “No. With Saddam Hussein and his weapons of ….whachumaycallit…all the terrorist threats …who wants to go there anyway?”
Interviewer: “Well, Saddam Hussein is dead.”
Lanie: “Oh.” (Scratches her hand and looks surprised.) “What about that Bin Laden fellow? It’s still danger…”
Interviewer: “Eh, Bin Laden is dead, too.”
Lanie: “Oh.” (Scratches harder and looks even more surprised.) “Hitler?”
End of interview.
19 Feb 2013
INTERVIEW WITH KATE – NICK’S CHEATING ASS GIRLFRIEND
(From Burn’s World. Will only make sense if you have read Burn’s World or if you are severely jet lagged.)
Interviewer: “What is your response to Nick jilting you at the altar, showing videos of you being unfaithful to him at your wedding, publicly accusing you of sleeping with his cousin, the late Bud McGraw?”
Kate: “I feel sad for Nick. He’s got it all wrong. That wasn’t me in the video. I have no idea where he got that from.’’
Interviewer: “Okay, so how have you been since that terrible …?
Kate: “I have been doing just fine, thank you. I’ve met a wonderful, wonderful man who cherishes me and wants to marry me and, Nick McGraw, well, let’s just say, that he’s lost out biiiig time.”
Interviewer: “You’ve met a man? He’s talking marriage already? Wow!”
Kate: “Yeah and he’s such a sweet guy and he loves me so much and he tells me how special I am to him every day…texts me fifteen times a day. (Smiles and looks heavenward.) I can’t believe how lucky I am to have met him. So quickly too. (Leans forwards and drops her voice.) Not …only…is …he …good-looking …but …he’s insatiable! (Winks).”
Interviewer: “Wow! I’m kinda jealous of you, Kate. You seem to have really bounced back from the terrible scandal.”
Kate: “Oh, everybody is jealous of me. They all want him. Do you know what he did? He drew a heart on the beach, made me stand inside it, got on bended knees and proposed! (Flashes a ring) Wants me to have his baby…”
Interviewer: “Hang on – that sounds really familiar. Where did I hear that be…? His name is not Matt, by any chance, is it?”
Kate: “Yes! How did you know? His name is Matt Blakely. You know him?”
Interviewer: “Yes, Kate, I do know Matt Blakely.”
Interviewer: “He, eh, he was married to Lanie, Burn McGraw’s cousin.”
Kate: “No, he wasn’t! He’s never been married, has no children.”
Interviewer: “Is that what he told you?”
Kate: “Yes, he was sincere about it. He’s not the type to cheat. He’s a genuine, quality guy. A rare find.”
Interviewer: “Mm. Moving on …”
To be continued …
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Gringa – Beast of Mexico
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