Viagra, Viagra, wherefore art thou?

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Dear Viagra, it’s Eve Rabi. How you doing?

Waddayamean Eve who?

You’ve been emailing me for the last umpteen years offering me huge discounts for value packs of Viagra, remember? The bulk purchases, no script needed, sometimes postage included even, huh? Even though I never needed or wanted you? Ring a bell, Viagra?

It does? Good. Cos, see, I’ve been thinkin’ – since I spent so many precious hours of my life deleting email after email from you, and emptying my spam folder several times a day, not to mention the $$$ I spent amping up my FUCKING spam filters so that I stop getting a tsunami of Viagra emails every two hours, I think t’s only fair that you to help me now. (Sorry for my outburst, Viagra, just opened up old wounds. Won’t happen again. Smiley face)

See I’ve written fourteen books and I figure that if I want to make as much dough and become crazy famous as those chicks – J.K. Rowling, Stephanie Meyer and E.L James, then I gotta do some serious marketing shit for my books. You feel me, Viagra?

So, I’m askin’ nicely; can you please put me in touch with the same company who markets you? Maybe even put in a good word for me so that I, like you, become a household name? Tell them how awesome I am, my books are?  (Just between you and me, I’m open for some heavy-duty spamming. Seriously.)

Soooo, whachusay?

You will? Aw thank you, Viagra. I am so excited at the prospect of becoming stinkin’ rich!

I will now sign off and put in an on-line order for a red Ferrari (what other color?) with a built in make-up compartment, a mirrored dashboard, a mirrored steering wheel, and a hair straightener thingi.

Then, after I screenshot my order for my flashy ride, I will tweet it, Facebook it, blog it, pintrest it, etc., etc., to make all my friends, enemies and frenemies leaf-green with envy. (Shivering with excitement at the mere thought of it.)

Smiles to you and keep doing what you’re doing, cos your discounts on value packs are awesome, man!

Peace up and remember …stay firm and upright in the face of adversity! (Wink wink!)

Eve Rabi

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About Eve Rabi Author

EVE RABI is the author of 26 romantic crime & suspense thrillers, 5 screenplays and a number of short stories in the process of being published. She is known for her kick-ass leading ladies, her sense of humor and her no-holes barred love stories. To quote an Amazon reviewer: “Eve Rabi is a 5 star general. Different, excellent, unputdownable. Eve Rabi is the lady for now and the Future.” For more info on Eve Rabi's books, visit http://amzn.to/178qMZY

Posted on March 20, 2013, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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